Here is why I, as a marshmallow girl, I would prefer that my “sisters of the flesh” not denounce thinner bodies by saying “real women have curves”. I think I’ve touched on this but it’s on my mind a lot.
First know that I understand.
It comes from a place of wanting to say “hey it’s not wrong to have curves.” That statement I can get behind all day long. What I worry about is that we aren’t just setting the pendulum of disdain toward another group. Curves were in then curves were out. They are currently so out that the ideal body is not attainable for anyone or for a very few people. What we are trying to push back against is the concept that there is an ideal body and we should. We should push back against that with all we’ve got but not by throwing another body type under the bus.
I understand the rebellious sentiment. You might look at someone you feel fits the ideal type and feel that her body invalidates yours. It doesn’t. We have to accept that and then preach that in order to change people’s minds on the issue. You can be chubby and be valid. You can be skinny and be valid. You can be somewhere in between and be valid.
Also, you do not know that body’s story. She may not be able to gain weight. She may have disordered eating. Wouldn’t you feel like a jerk if you said to someone’s face “hey real women have curves” and they had cancer? And I don’t think you should say things on the internet that you wouldn’t say to someone’s face. Bottom line her body isn’t your business the same way your body isn’t her business.
I had a very honest discussion with a very thin acquaintance in college and I was lucky enough for her to share her own insecurities and I left that conversation forever changed. See, she wanted to gain weight and she couldn’t. When she looked in the mirror she saw bones and she hated it but no matter what she ate she couldn’t put on a pound. When I looked at her I saw someone with perfect legs and blond hair, boobs that were only a handful and therefore not too much but she wasn’t living with my paradigm in her head. She wasn’t happy with what she saw and it’s the same myth about a so called perfect body that was making her miserable as was making me miserable.
Truth is women come in all shapes, sizes, skin colors, heights personality types, and any other set of differences you can think of. We are all no more or less real that the other. Replacing the unattainable perfect body type with our own body type doesn’t change the propaganda at the root of the problem. This problem like so many others will only be solved with love for ourselves and for each other. Because as Miranda Lambert sings, “You can’t love yourself at the expense of someone else”.
Thank you for reading
Good night and be kind to one another.
PS the term Marshmallow girl was coined by Japanese plus size magazine La Farfa and an article about them is linked. The term sister of the flesh is my own work but feel free to use it. 😉